And then. . .OR I Heart Susan the Helpful Pharmacist’s Assistant

*Edited: If you TRULY want the TOTAL experience of the minutiae you are about to read, then start with the post BELOW this one.*

So the helpful if not happy pharmacist at Wal-Mart took the $50 inhaler chamber back. . .and then I went to Walgreens. . .and sat in the drive-thru line for so long that I finally picked up the glow top that Sick Child 2 had received as a treat for memorizing her latest chapter in Psalms, and began to spin it in the cup holder out of sheer and complete boredom. It was also at this time that I pondered my own sanity and then remembered that I am, indeed, sane, and that neither of my children has anything horrible (too many sites here to link to–but you know what I mean), so what’s a little waiting and top spinning compared with, say, leukemia? Nothing at all.

At this point, I spun the top so perfectly that is just kept going and going and going and going as though the Energizer Bunny had control of it. I was almost sad to have to pull up in line–it spun for like 3 minutes.

Then Susan the Helpful Pharmacist’s Assistant said, “May I help you?” and thus our relationship began. . .because they were OUT of the inhaler chamber that I was supposed to get even though I had CALLED to make sure they had it–they do, indeed, CARRY it, but they did not currently HAVE one. So Susan, seeing my panic and noticing the skin beginning to peel back from my skull said, “Give me one minute.” Then she typy-type-typed on her computer probably thinking, “Oh my great heavenly days this woman’s skull is going to explode if I don’t do something immediately if not sooner.” Then she said, while averting her eyes, “I HATE to ask you to do this, but could you circle around?” She was probably contemplating escape through the fire exit.

Once I “circled around” I waited and waited and waited–and then The Pharmacist gave me and inhaler chamber–but not the cough syrup. So I asked for that too–then I said, “What is your assistant’s name?” and The Pharmacist glanced nervously at me, then glanced at Susan, then said, “Her?” and I said, “Yes.” and she said “Susan.” and I said, “Please, tell Susan I said ‘Thank you so much for being incredibly helpful.’” At which point she did and Susan looked at me–with my skin and skull intact and smiled and waved as I smiled back and mouthed “Thank You” through the glass that Susan will probably check later to make sure it is bullet and splitting skull proof.

The end.

Hack, Sneeze, Cough, Wheeze, Drip OR A Lesson in Time Management

You know you’re a mother during cold and flu season when. . .

. . .you are standing in line to drop off the prescriptions for Sick Child 1 and your phone rings. It is not your husband calling to check on Sick Child 1. It’s the school nurse telling you that your other child is now running fever. And you’ve already gotten a sub for tomorrow because of Sick Child 1, but have called the secretary to cancel the sub since Sick Child 1 was cleared to go back to school tomorrow.

So now you have to call the secretary back AGAIN (who laughs uncontrolably at you–especially since she’s known you since before you were married or had Sick Children 1 OR 2) to get the sub back since Sick Child 2 is also feverish.

Then you proceed to fill your shopping cart with all manner of juices and soups and the all important box of Premium Brand Crackers because to save time, you went to WalMart rather than Walgreens to fill your prescription since they have juice and soup and crackers and oranges and they also have (so you’ve heard) $4 generic drugs–except YOUR drugs for Sick Child 1 cost $90!!!!!!!! (The AeroChamber Plus inhaler tube thingy costs $50 alone.) Then, once you buy the food and gold bullion medicine and LEAVE (and gas up the truck), you spend several stressful minutes on the phone with the Doctor’s Nurse since the doctor didn’t put the cough medicine on the prescription note AND you didn’t notice until you got home AND you happen to mention the incredibly expensive inhaler tube thingy and Doctor’s Nurse says, “Walgreens has it for $19.99″ and Walgreens is your normal pharmacy.

Don’t you like how I save time?

So now I get to take the inhaler BACK to Wal-Mart and then go to Walgreens to get the cough medicine she forgot to prescribe (she’s 8 months pregnant so I can’t blame her) and get the $20 el-cheapo inhaler chamber. I would have had to go to Walgreens anyway for the cough medicine, but still.

All this after I made a fool of myself in front of Pregnant (not our regular) Doctor thinking that tomorrow was the 1st of February and even quoted the lovely little poem for her then she pointed to the calendar and I was very embarrassed. Of course, if she was feeling at all superior, we’re now even since she forgot to prescribe one of my son’s drugs.

Never mind that I am also none too chipper, but now that two children are ill that has pretty much gone by the wayside. Everyone except Tony is staying home tomorrow–even the one that’s been cleared to go back to school. Sick Child 2 has been given a dose of Motrin which has made her feel well enough to become Demanding and also Particular.

Is there anyway to circulate Lysol through one’s air vents?