Category Archives: From the Back Seat

Odd Foods Make Just as Much Sense

My children have become “classic” rock fans. Classic rock NOW means what *I* listened to when I was their age. (I have an 8th grade-nearly 14 year-old. . .can you say “Land Down Under”, “Safety Dance”, Tears for Fears, Wham, Air Supply, Journey???). Thankfully, their understanding of the lyrics at this point is as clear as my understanding was long ago=NOT very clear. (It wasn’t until TWO YEARS AGO that I realized Men At Work was singing about illicit opium usage in that “Land Down Under” diddy. I’m cray like that. It’s all my swag. And the way I am a Boss.)

Alas, The Who is not asking a question to verify your identity. . .they are singing about Blue Oranges. The Steve Miller Band is not discussing sub tropical amour. . .no–it’s really Chocolate and Strawberry Mint that are making them crazy, crazy.

And who am I to correct them? They know perfectly well who they are–at least for a bit longer–and they have NO BUSINESS even THINKING about Jungle Love. Not until they are old enough to no longer know who they are. Just sayin’.

(BTW–the place where I found the blue oranges has some WAY COOL photos

Overheard

It’s been a busy break. Tonight, the kids and I were more than a little overly tired and giddy as I’ve been using Power Tools and Stud Finders and Laser Levels to hang things like shelves and curtains in their rooms. Both spaces having been thoroughly mucked out and straightened over the course of the week.

After I got Victoria’s pink shelf hung tonight, she was sorting and arranging her gee-gaws. I was handing her things. Thad was sitting on her bed alternating between his own world (where he was pondering the meaning of the universe) and the world in which Victoria and I were present (where he was bombing her with his Clark Kent and Superman stuffed Sonic tater tot toys). As a tot flew across the room, I reached into a basket and pulled out a heap of pink and white ribbons all strung together like a wreath.

Victoria said, “I want to keep those, because Mrs. Stephanie made it for me.”

I said, “Mrs. Stephanie from Arkansas?”

“No. Your other friend Mrs. Stephanie. She brought it to me when she and Mrs. Mary Linda came to see you.”

“Mrs. Stephanie made you this???” (Neither Mrs. Stephanie is a pink kind of girl and BOTH have two boys each and two Zanes among the four male offspring. No pink to be seen.)

“Well, whoever stayed in my room made it. She had a Kindle.”

“Oh. . .THAT was Mrs. Mary Linda,” I said as I stared at the array of pink and white ribbons trying to figure out exactly when and where Mary Linda ended up with THIS MUCH pink ribbon.

Actual pile 'o pink ribbons. . .notice the lady bugs?

Then it hit me, “OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH. . .THAT explains it–all the Phi Mu lady bugs!!!” I exclaim. (Mary Linda was and is very active in her Phi Mu chapter.)

To which Thad replies, “FIVE MUTE LADY BUGS?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!”

Evidently the portal between his universe and ours must not have good acoustics. Either that or he has NO schema for Phi Mu but DOES have some for five and mute. Or he just trolls between the two worlds waiting for something as interesting as five mute lady bugs to catch his attention.

The Boy

Setting: End of school, kitchen, 6:15 a.m. Thad is completely entranced with his new Make Your Own Diary of a Wimpy Kid Book that he received for Victoria Day. They are running late.

Me: Thad, you need to concentrate on getting in the car and going to school.
Thad: I laugh in the face of getting in the car and going to school. Mwahhahahaha. . .

Setting: Same stinkin’ morning. . .Thad’s DADDY walks into the kitchen. . .Thad is still pouring over his book, pencil in hand, brow furrowed.

Tony: Boy, are ya ready to go to school? (This question is asked rather facetiously.)
Thad: No. Not really.

Setting: Today, kitchen, kids are going with Tony to meet Victoria’s new Girl Scout Leader and to give blood (Tony–not the kids) and I am staying here. Thad arrives next to me three minutes before departure after having been sent to brush his teeth. . .then put on a shirt. . .then wash his face–all separate things. His hair STILL looks like he fought a war.

Me: Thad. Go into your closet, look on the floor, get the blue brush (Why is your brush in your closet, son?), and bring it to me.
Thad: Why? Are you going to brush your hair?

Thad came to me yesterday and told me he had written a song. The tune was rather catchy (though the first line had me a little concerned), but you will just have to imagine the tune

I’m in love with a pretty girl, and a pretty girl loves me
Because I am megalodon fossil and she’s a paleontologist. . .

Oh. My. Goodness.

(BTW, if you read this and are in the habit of SEEING Thad or TALKING to Thad, do NOT mention the song. . .I would be in BIG trouble, thus instituting the shoulder droop.)

And DID YOU KNOW that you can combine ALL of these Hero 2.0 characters into one Mega Hero? Alas. You can.

Observations on a Monday.

We were discussing having a brother/sister pair over to spend the night–Carrie and Victoria are the same age. Luke and Thad are roughly the same age. Thad and Victoria do their fair share of squabbling, but it is minor compared to other siblings. Luke and Carrie are the same. Thad’s observation? “It’s just more difficult when the sister is the older one.”

Victoria’s summary after reading the county’s declaration document regarding the shooting of fireworks, “Well, it has lots of big, fancy words as all documents should. But basically it says we can’t shoot fireworks. But we can do poppers. Yea!!!!!!”

Poh-TAY-toe, Poh-TAH-toe

Setting: On the way home from church, children chattering away in the back seat AND simultaneously entertaining themselves while annoying each other. Victoria does something to/at/near/in the general vicinity of Thad.

Thad: “Whut chew doin’??????”

Victoria: “That should be, ‘What are you doing?’”

Thad: “GIVE IT BACK!!!!!!!”

Victoria: “I will give it back when YOU improve your grammar.”

Ah. . .summer. . .and it’s only just begun. :)

You’ve won. . .A NEW CAR!!!!!

Not me. I don’t need a new car. I LOVE my car. . .it’s GREAT.

No. . .this is in reference to The Boy. There are days I’m not quite sure what he is going to be when he grows up. But of this one thing, I AM sure. He is a card-carrying smart alec. At least when it comes to his sister. He has timing, sarcasm, humor. . .all of it. And he’s 8.

This morning, pre-dawn-ish–literally it was 5:50 a.m.–the children are seated at the bar eating waffles. I am using the kitchen sink, and the water is like ICE. It is ALWAYS like ice. As I’m waiting for it to warm up, in an effort to engender some morning smiles from my sleepy-heads, I begin to say, “This water is as cold as. . .”

This water is as cold as ice.
This water is as cold as an igloo.
This water is as cold as a polar bear’s nose.

I am interrupted at this point by The Girl. (Insert pre-teenagery I-caught-you-in-a-mistake-and-now-I-will-explain-slowly-so-you-can-understand voice). “Um, Mommy? Polar bears ACTUALLY have very WARM noses.”

“Victoria, you are absolutely right,” I say, and continue with my list.

This water is as cold as an Eskimo’s toes. (I know I should say Inuit, but it doesn’t rhyme with toes.)

At which point Thad, using his syrup covered fork for emphasis says, “It’s as cold as a DEAD polar bear’s nose.”

Victoria snorts and shoots back, “Well, THAT is kind of (searches for the right word). . .awkward.”

And without missing a beat. . .without waiting even part of a second and in the style of a barbershop quartet warming up for the big number, The Boys lifts his voice and sings–raising the tone one octave with each word–”Awkward, awkward, awkward. She thinks it’s awkWAAAAAAAAARD!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Before I even have time to BEGIN laughing, he throws in (now with a game show announcer’s inflection and “deep” voice), “It’s time to play THE AWKWARD GAME. . .”

At this point I had to leave the kitchen and go report to his Daddy–the King of Sister Bugging. His Majesty was so very, very proud of the Heir Apparent.

So whether he’s a professional sister bugger, or a philosopher, or a food critic, or a member of a barbershop quartet, or a game show announcer, we are already sure of at least ONE thing he has going for him.

In defense of a Bull and his Daisies

There is a WONDERFUL book by Jeanne Birdsall called, The Penderwicks: A Summer Tale of Four Sisters, Two Rabbits, and a Very Interesting Boy. I pulled it off a book cart in the library of my “old” school about four years ago now. . .could it have been that long???. . .RIGHT after it was published. Our wonderful librarian always snatched up new books to have for the beginning of the next school year, and she always let ME take them home for a test drive over the summer. This one was a favorite from the moment I laid eyes on it. In this case, you CAN judge a book by its cover–it was beautiful.

From all appearances, it was going to be a girly story about girly girls. And it is about girls. . .mostly. . .but they are girls that have a dog named Hound who eats “in haste and repents at leisure”–normally by barfing all over one of the girls’ shoes. The most feminine LOOKING of the Penderwick sisters turns out to be the tomboy with a temper to boot. The entire book is a wonderful family-safe tale that snaps with sly humor.

At the time I read it, Victoria was 7 and a little young for it, so I kept on recommending it to my 6th graders and while I was busy doing that, Victoria grew up. My friend Rhonda asked nearly a year ago if Victoria had read it. And she had not. So Rhonda sent her a copy and Victoria devoured it just like I had. Last week, I pulled it off the shelf as a bed time story for the kids. I knew Thad might not read it on his own, but I could front load it a bit to make him interested. He has loved it. Especially the barfing dog.

So, the other night we get to a part in the story when Skye has put her foot in her mouth, thereby defiling the Penderwick Family Honor. Three of the four sisters end up taking a walk with the the Very Interesting Boy (whom Skye impugned) to “clear the air.” The youngest Penderwick, Batty, has wandered off and not been missed by the sisters who are listening to the Very Interesting Boy tell them a story about a horrid bull that lives behind the gate in front of which they are standing. . .

“Jeffrey told Jane to put her eye to one of these knotholes and look through to the other side. “It’s just a field,” said Jane. “There should be a bull over there, ” said Jeffrey. “Nope, no bull.” “Let me look.” Jane moved aside to make room for Jeffrey. You’re right. I don’t see him, either,” he said. “He must be in the barn today.”

Skye tapped her foot impatiently. The truth was, she thought, there was no bull. That boy was just trying to impress Jane.

“He gored a man right in this very field,” said Jeffrey, looking back at Jane. “Oh!” gasped Jane. “Did the man die?” “Almost. . .Cagney told me all about it. The man’s guts fell out of his stomach and it took three doctors to stitch him back up again. Some people signed a petition to have the bull shot, but the police said it was the man’s own fault, because he was trespassing in the bull’s field. . .”

. . .Stay close to your sisters, Rosalind had told Batty, and Batty had stayed pretty close while they were all walking, but when Jeffrey stopped at the gate, Batty drifted away and hid behind a bush. . .Batty peeked out from behind the bush. Jeffrey and her sisters were leaving. She knew she should follow them, but first she wanted to see what was on the other side of that gate (she had been too far away to hear about the man-goring bull). (At this point, Thad began saying , “Oh no. Oh no. Oh no.” under his breath.) She crept out from behind the bush and over to the gate and put her eye to a knothole.

What she saw was a field full of clover and daisies, with a barn over on the other side. Now, Batty knew all about horses and their needs. There was a horse farm near the Penderwicks’ home in Cameron, where Mr. Penderwick often took Batty to feed carrots to her favorites. . .and while she didn’t see any actual horses through the knothole, she figured it didn’t mean there weren’t any.”

. . .Batty carefully flopped to the ground, and wriggled under the gate. . .Alas, no horses, not even a shy one. . .Oh well, she would pick daisies instead. . .She headed toward the largest clump of daisies and bent to her task. All was at peace while Batty picked flowers and hummed a song about kangaroos. Above, the birds wheeled cheerfully across the sky. Below, the worms slid happily through the soil. In between, the summer breeze softly ruffled the clover and daisies. But soon the peace was disturbed. Across the field from Batty, the barn door swung open as if shoved by something very strong. And here it came, strong, yes, and big and black. The king of the field, the bull, sauntered out into the sunshine and proudly surveyed his realm.”

About this time the sisters realize that Batty is missing. Much frantic searching ensues. It is also at this time that very evident worry is all over Thad’s face, so I say, “Maybe this bull is like Ferdinand.” And Thad says, “Well, there ARE flowers in the field.”

“Jane turned around to look at the field. “Oh, there he is! He must have just come out of the barn.” “Isn’t he big?” said Jeffrey. “Huge!”. . .and then Jane started to scream.

Batty was watching a purple-and-orange bug when Jane screamed. . .Batty recognized the scream as Jane’s, and as Jane had a habit of screaming, more often than Skye, for example, Batty wasn’t worried. However, she did look up from the bug. A bull is so much larger than a bug that at first Batty didn’t understand what she was seeing. She looked back down at the bug, who had by now safely scuttled up another daisy stem, then looked back up again, hoping the black monster would be gone. Not only was it still there, it had come a step closer. It was only fifteen feet away. “Nice horsie,” said Batty hopefully.

Now, this bull had never actually gored anyone. It was true that once a tourist had sneaked into the field and dropped his expensive camera in front of the bull, who, quite rightly, stepped on it and smashed it to pieces. But that hadn’t been enough of a story for anyone. The first person who told it added a part about the bull scratching the tourist’s leg, and the second person who told it turned the scratch into a gouge and so on, until by the time Cagney repeated the story to Jeffrey, the poor tourist had a gaping stomach wound. When Jeffrey told Jane, he hadn’t exaggerated all that much, just changing one doctor to three.

And here my sweet, sensitive son, in an effort to ease his own fears and to make sure the bull was not completely maligned himself says, “SO he isn’t really a MEAN bull, he just doesn’t like photography.”

I laughed and laughed and laughed and laughed and then I laughed some more. Just the thought of a bull hating–NOT a photographer, mind you, but the entire FIELD of photography was too much for me. And if you want to find out what happens to Batty (in an effort to ease MY conscience about typing so much of this book into the computer), you will have to read the book. I promise you will love it.

Good vs. Evil: A study

Artwork courtesy of Thad.

Good and Evil Thad 001

The Bad Guy

The Bad Guy

The Cop

The Policeman


********Had to change the caption from “The Policeman” to “The Cop” per the Artist’s request.********

The Super Hero

The Super Hero

Is it just me, or does the Super Hero look a little like Voldemort? Thad has never SEEN that particular Harry Potter movie, so he has no point of reference, but if I were the Bad Guy, I’d run VERY, VERY fast indeed.

Eavesdropper

Whle driving to church last night, I confirmed with Tony that when our new AAA membership kicks in, we will have four tows. From the back seat comes The Boy’s voice.

“FOUR TOES??? I have TEN toes. And ten fingers.”

He obviously only heard PART of the conversation, but we are glad he can at least count to ten.

Shortages

We ran out of milk Sunday night. . .after church. . .after we’d driven the 13 miles home. We have bagels and apple juice for breakfast, so there was some whining from The Boy who LIVES for milk, but there was no mutiny threatened.

Until today.

We were sitting a the table playing a round of Mancala. I was snacking on dry Corn Chex for breakfast–straight out of the box–and Thad was too. Until he realized that something was amiss. He got a bowl, and a spoon, and went straight to the fridge when I stopped him dead in his tracks. “We’re outta milk, Boy.”

Oh. My. Goodness. The drooping of the shoulders. . .the slumping of the back. . .the dragging of feet. . .and then this declaration.

“I WANT MILK!!! I don’t CARE if it comes STRAIGHT OUT OF THE COW!!! I WANT SOME MILK.”

We remedied the situation quickly. And got some Eskimo Pies to boot. More milk don’t ya know.