EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

BERGERMEISTER MEISTERBERGER TAKES
OVER TEXAS EDUCATION AGENCY

Okay. . .okay. . .I get it. We as Americans are fat–fat, fat, FAT. I am one of several million fat Americans. . .I. GET. IT.

And I also get that teachers may possibly give our already sedentary fat kids too much candy as rewards. . .especially in middle school or jr. high where you have 7 different teachers–and if each and every teacher gives you a piece of candy or a Tootsie Roll for being good or following directions or because your hair looks cute today or because you did not intentionally flatulate the entire class period, well, that adds up to lots and lots of sugar, folks.

So I get it.

I really do.

And the state of Texas has come up with a thing called Foods of Minimal Nutritional Value. . .and you can read it here if you so choose. There are all sorts of things that are a no-no. . .

*Hard Candy–no-no. . .there goes the cheapest and most sought after reward known to students: the Jolly Rancher
*Gummy anything: bubble, bears, sharks, worms, etc.
*Nougat anything: taffy, chewy stuff, tootsie rolls
*No food may be given to students by a teacher until ALL lunches have been served. This means even good things like raisins, gold fish, etc.
*We can give things that are chocolate AFTER all lunches have been served since chocolate has milk in it and is also WAY more expensive than a Tootsie Roll (which used to go a long way in keeping Scottie’s knee in his desk)

But today, well, today just capped it all.

Today, in a memo, we were reminded, yea directed to be aware of the fact that, and I quote:

“You may not give students peppermints. Candy canes are illegal.”

Candy canes. . .ILLEGAL!!!! Just the plain, simple candy cane–you know–wholesome. . .peppermint. . .red and white. . .all American goodness of Christmas. . .King Leo soft. . .mini. . .regular. . .gigantic. . .gargantuan 10 lb. obnoxious candy canes.

They are all illegal. There is an actual LAW, people. A LAW that states the illegality of issuing canes of peppermint candy to attendees of Texas public schools. I’m not EVEN kidding. My school can be fined up to $50,000 (yes, that’s fifty and thousand all together as one sum) for having a child in possession of a candy cane that a teacher has issued them.

My tax dollars hard at work.

Now, kids can bring their own candy canes to school. . .they can roll in candy canes. . .they can eat lunch boxes full of candy canes. . .they can give ME candy canes. . .but I, I cannot give them a candy cane. . .no, not even on the day before school lets out for Christmas.

I am a pleaser–a rule follower–I was the kid that parents didn’t mind their kid being with because I wouldn’t let them do anything too stupid or immoral or illegal. But this makes me want to go stand on the bus ramp after school and hand out candy canes to each and every one of the 1,500 kids who attend our school AND the bus drivers too. How ’bout that.

I won’t. . .but I want to.

In short: Candy canes illegal. I have run out of steam. . .there is no limit to the stupidity. Hey. . .I wonder if I send candy canes to school with Victoria DURING the school day for her Christmas party if I can be fined for THOSE candy canes–or does being a mother trump being a teacher?

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4 thoughts on “EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

  1. The song “Put one foot in front of the other…and soon you’ll be walking out that dooooor, put one foot in front of the other….” came to mind, I guess I have watched Santa Clause Comes To Town a bit much lately. Ahh the scene where the bad dude melts into a kind hearted old man, still makes me cry.

  2. You’ve got to love a state that declares chocolate a health food, though.

    Someone needs to do more research — our district considers Tootsie Rolls one of those health foods. I won’t tell if you won’t.

  3. Oh my. Oh my, oh my. I remember reading about the Texas cafeteria food Nazi in Time magazine last year. Can’t remember her name, but she looked a little grumpy. Somebody should dump a few hundred cases of candy canes on her inbox.

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