Great Mysteries of the Universe

So the other day I am running errands. It’s about 2:00 and I’ve not yet had lunch. I run into the Subway down the street (that I haven’t been to in years) and order my regular sandwich–6″ turkey on white with cheese, a little mayo, lettuce, bell pepper, onion, pickles, salt and pepper. I slide my card to pay and she says, “There is a dollar charge for debit cards.” To which I reply, “It’s credit–not debit.” To which SHE replies, “We don’t take credit cards–debit or cash only.” So I say “Thanks anyway.” And leave the gals at Subway to eat my sandwich or take it home for later.

I don’t really want fast food, but I run to Wendys, ’cause their new chicken salad Frescata is REALLY good. (No tomato on mine please.) I decide to get the meal so I can have a diet Coke, but I don’t want fries. If I’m going to have a lot of fat and calories, I’d much rather have it in the shape of a small Frosty.
So I say,
“Chicken Frescata, no tomato, diet Coke, and small frosty rather than the fries.”
“We can’t substitute a Frosty for fries?”
“How much is the Frosty?”
“Ninety-nine cents.”
How much are the fries?”
“Ninety-nine cents.”
“So the problem would be. . .?”
“A Frosty is a drink ma’am.”

Now would be the time for me to say that I KNOW that when they hand you your Frosty, they always hand you a straw AND a spoon. I find the straw rather laughable, because unless you get a melty Frosty OR unless you ALLOW your Frosty to melt on purpose OR unless you enjoy using a straw as a spoon OR unless you have the lung capacity and suction strength of a Hoover, well, the contents of your Frosty are NOT making it through that straw into your mouth.

And I say,
“Well, it seems to me that ninety-nine cents is ninety-nine cents. If I’m paying $5.85 for the combo and asking you to substitute same price items, it shouldn’t be an issue.”

So I pull up to the window and get a song and dance, at which point I say, “Okay. Just give me the sandwich.” And she says, “We’ve already scanned your card.” And I say, “I just want the sandwich.” And she sighs a deep, retail food worker sigh and says, “Well, I’ll do it this ONE time, but it WON’T happen again.”

I just smiled and said thank you as she rolled her eyes at me. Then I parked the car to eat my lunch. I started at first to feel angry that I’d had such a hard time getting sustanance that wasn’t deep fried in grease. . .then I started to feel badly for being such a pain. . .then I settled on just feeling happy ’cause I got my Frosty AND my yummy sandwich AND a diet Coke AND I got to sit in silence to eat it.

No big mystery there.

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8 thoughts on “Great Mysteries of the Universe

  1. Did she give you a complete eyeroll or just a half eye roll? When I taught middle school, I used to tell my students that I was going to write a paper on all the types of eyerolls.

  2. I think it’s those poor workers… they are brainwashed to not think for themselves or make logical decisions on their own. They are robotic minimum wage earners – for now. My first job was at a fast food place (Grandy’s Fried Chicken-I was 14 years old and they put me in charge of the salad bar, and register 4, part time on Tuesday and Thursdays from 4 pm to 8 pm!) and there were all these rules, like “a ZZerving of fried okra is exZZactly one ZZpoonful” kind of thing. I don’t know if I ever eye-rolled anyone, I was probably so scared I would have given them both fries and a Frosty!

  3. It was a complete eyeroll and it was the “manager on duty” and she was in her early forties. . .so I didn’t feel too sorry for her. Seriously. They cost the same amount. I just want $.99 worth of Frosty rather than $.99 worth of fries. No biggie.

  4. Customer Service is DEAD. Except in cool places like Trader Joe’s and four-diamond inns and spas. You can’t even get good service at Sear’s half the time anymore. So sad. It drives Jason to insanity. He used to get stuck with cursing, spitting, celebrity-spa-princesses and turn them into happy customers with one phone call when he was working at the Inn. And he certainly didn’t get compensated well enough for it. Why can’t people just take a little pride in their work?

  5. My daughter, who works in a frozen custard place this summer, has a whole different take on fast food service. She swears she will never hassle a food service person for the rest of her life. She wants to be (can’t as yet) a big tipper, as well. Mostly they are just kids following direct orders.

  6. Rebecca. . .I’m calling you NOW.

    Linda. . .Yeah. . .I know. . .and if it had been the teenaged drive-thru worker on the head set, I’d never have given them a bit of slack. As it was, I was pleasant. . .even when I said, “Just give me the sandwich.” It was said with a smile in my voice. At that point she just didn’t want to mess with me anymore. . .and tell your daughter that I ALWAYS leave 15% and say thank you when my iced tea is being refilled. I really feel for the waitstaff unless we get a total and complete doofus-head who went on break while our food was cooking, then brought it to us AFTER his break when it was cold. Not kidding. 🙂 That being said, I’ve done the whole Frosty/french fry swap at other Wendy’s without anyone batting an eye. . .it was just the day. AND if you go to ChikFilA, every “thank you” is answered with a “my pleasure.” So nice.

  7. Is it OK to laugh at your expense?

    This reminds me of a Dom Irrera (I am killing the spelling) bit where he tells the waiter to ask the chef not to put mayo on his sandwich..

    But it comes with it.

    I hate mayonnaise.

    Do you want it on the side?

    Could the chef just whisk the knife over it and miss my sandwich?

    Do you want cole slaw or potato salad?


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