Today I want to be a poet.
I want words to flow from my pen like water.
I want them to swirl and eddy and sparkle without my worry
that they are too perfect or too mute.
Today I want to embrace aloneness.
I want to walk aimlessly wherever I go, seeing whatever I see.
I want to eat when I am hungry
and sleep when I am tired
and let the hours and minutes hold no sway over what I do
or when I do it
No. Numbers. Allowed.
I want to climb into bed and read for hours
until my brain hurts
and my eyes blur
and my body demands activity.
Then I want to take a walk in the cold, gray winter day
and come back and get on the couch and read some more.
Today I want to have just one name.
Not the one I inherited from my father
or the one I accepted from my husband.
Just the one my mother gave me
when I was an idea in her heart
and a whisper in her womb.
The one that she could not have known would fit me so well.
I want a day when I have just one name.
And no one knows it but me.
January 13, 2011